Sunday, October 22, 2006

What to Do When Parents Start Making Bad Decisions

It happens a lot. You and your parents seem to be on the same page for everything wedding related. Then, suddenly your parents balk at an expense, start inviting people after the list has been decided and invitations sent, or any number of things. So what do you do? You love them, but they are driving you nuts. And, they are probably paying for some if not all of the wedding, and you don't want to upset them or seem ungrateful. The best thing to do is to be honest. Be calm and sit down to talk when it is a good time for everyone (not late in the evening when everyone's tired) and talk face to face. Do NOT e-mail (there is nothing that can get more misconstrued than an e-mail). You are an adult, your parents are adults...but remember wedding and funerals can bring out the worst in people--there are a lot of emotions involved. Bring up your issues calmly. It might not be easy, but everyone will be better off. You don't want people you don't know at the wedding, but you have to be willing to compromise. This is a common complaint among engaged couples--parents invite many they don't know. In fairness, your parents should be allowed to invite a few close friends, but don't let it go overboard. The best time to discuss it? BEFORE the invitations are sent. Tell them once the list goes out, there will be no late additions (unless it was a horrible oversight of someone who should have been invited).

The same goes for any wedding issue that might come up. Be calm, be understanding, but be firm. They'll get over the fact that you didn't invite Great Aunt Martha who lives across the country and has never seen you in person before.

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